Luckiest

 

     Every once in a while I get a comment either from a blog, or Facebook, or in person where someone will say something to the effect of, "Vee is such a lucky woman to have you!"  While it never hurts to have your ego stroked... the truth is that I am the lucky one. Since Vee and I first started dating there were a lot of hurdles for me to overcome and Vee was patient with each one, knowing where to encourage me, where to support me, and knowing all the right ways to make a very insecure heart feel safe enough to love again.

     I came out of a very dysfunctional relationship that left some pretty deep scars.  The only things that were higher than the walls that surrounded my heart were the reasons why I shouldn't trust anyone into the very intimate parts of my life again.  Don't get me wrong, the idea of having a healthy relationship sounded good... but the thought of opening up my heart again literally scared the hell out of me!  I had been hurt before, my two girls had been through enough, and even the thought of having someone knock us down again was enough to make me want to lock the doors on my life and never let anyone in... but thats where I found her...

     I think it was easy for some people to peg Vee as a helpless widow who didn't really have much to offer.  In fact, I think for a time Vee saw herself in this way.  But the truth is, what Vee was able to offer me was exactly what would tare down the walls around my heart, heal my brokenness, give me and my daughters security for the first time, and change our lives drastically.  Vee wasn't (and isn't) some kind of charity case.  She is strong.  She has been through hell and back.  She has looked her worst nightmare in the face and lived through it.  And best of all (at least for me) she came out on the other side with a new perspective on life and the ability to love and live deeper. 

     I truly believe its because of what Vee learned through her brokenness that gave her the ability to love me to the point of healing my heart.  I have come to understand that a widow(er) loves different.  Its a focused love.  Its rooted in seeking the most of each moment.  It looks towards the best in the other person.  It skips past the superficial parts of life and is consumed by the truly meaningful and important pieces.  In its effort to find healing it bring about healing.  While it may be fragile it is as endless as an ocean and that is exactly what I needed, an ocean of love and acceptance.

    And that is exactly what I still need!

     Everyday Vee still showers me with the love that is re-writing and re-training my heart.  Its a slow process, but grief has taught her patience for this journey.  She accepts me for my flaws and my insecurities and continually reminds me that she is "in this journey with me for life" which is the salve to this old heart. 

   A few weeks after Vee and I started dating I heard a song on the radio that I hadn't heard in a long time.  The words rang true.  They spoke to exactly how I felt (and still feel) about Vee in my life.
                                           
                     "I don't get many things right the first time

                    In fact, I am told that a lot                    Now I know all the wrong turns                    The stumbles and falls brought me here
                   And where was I before the day                   That I first saw your lovely face?                   Now I see it everyday                   And I know that I am                   I am, I am the luckiest
                  What if I'd been born fifty years before you                  In a house on the street where you live?                  Maybe I'd be outside as you passed on your bike                  Would I know?
                  And in a wide sea of eyes                  I see one pair that I recognize                 And I know that I am                 I am, I am the luckiest
                I love you more than I have                Ever found a way to say to you
                Next door, there's an old man who lived to his 90's                And one day, passed away in his sleep                And his wife, she stayed for a couple of days                And passed away
                I'm sorry, I know that's a strange way                To tell you that I know we belong                 That I know that I am                I am, I am the luckiest!"

      I tell Vee all the time that I am SO glad to be the one who gets to love her for life... and that's the truth!  I am convinced that God brought us together for a healing that neither one of us could have ever thought possible but neither one can deny.

    So, thank you babe!  Thanks for tearing down my walls, for helping me find myself again, for loving me unconditionally, for loving Zada and Reagan like your own, for being patient with me, for healing my heart, and for walking this journey with me!   

    I truly am the luckiest!

Steve